I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
