What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
