Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
