i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
