I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
