Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
