I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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