I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
