I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
