i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
