When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
