when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
