it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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