I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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