Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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