we have officially lost it.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
