Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
