So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I met the friendliest cop last night
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
