I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
