I wish I could teleport
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
