problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
