We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
In America we eat man semen.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
