I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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