I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
