I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
