Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do vagina's smell?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
