Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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