Barsexuality is the new black.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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