Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
