I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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