I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
