I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
