my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
