I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
