i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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