Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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