Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
