In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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