Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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