you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
