names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
