for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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