nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
