We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
