So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
