Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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