My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
