morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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