Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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