Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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