I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
