she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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